Girls, do you think something and then wonder if other women think about it too? Well, I can guarantee a large population of us do. Here are just some of the things we say in our heads that we are all thinking. Careful, it’s little rude in places…
WHAT WOMEN THINK
- Get that dog’s nose away from my vag.
- After a week of dating: Is it okay to fart in front of him yet?
- God damn, balls are ugly.
- Yay, a frontal wedgie. Hides in corner of busy shopping centre to remove knickers from every crevice.
- I hate drama. Whispers under breath, “Punch them.”
- I wonder what his new girlfriend looks like. Oh good, she’s not as pretty as me. Stuffs another slice of stuffed crust pizza in mouth.
- Get your hand off the back of my head right now or I’ll bite it off.
- Can anyone tell I’m on my period just by looking at me?
- Why did I wear a skirt when there’s a frigging tornado? Attempts to own it whilst walking with skirt tucked between thighs.
- I could wear my pretty, new and expensive Victoria’s Secret bra but I could wear my grey, old bra.
- Oh good, summer’s here. Brushes cobwebs off razor.
- Get out, get out, get out so I can poop!
- Sorry if I fanny fart during sex.
- Be complimented on selfie. Oh, I took that this morning after putting on make up for three hours and I have four hundred of the same photo in my deleted folder.
- Shit, my boobs look great in this top.
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Sometimes we want something but don’t always say. Admit it! Speak up ladies, it’s time to express our desires!
- Let me take over, I want to be in charge. Now, where are those handcuffs?
- Feed me all the cheese. I know I said I was on a dairy-free diet but shut up and pass me that block halloumi.
- Just sit there and listen to me complain about my co-workers and agree with me FFS.
- Tell me I’m beautiful, even when I’ve got hairy legs, no makeup and haven’t washed my hair in four days.
- For the love of god shave that beard. It’s like kissing pubes.
- Leave me alone when I’m on my period but also bring me chocolate, bread and Disney movies.
- Best friends who have a dirty mind, a great sense of humour and enjoy pizza as much as me. Oh and that will bring me all the cake when I’m sad.
- Hey, you. Why aren’t you playing with my hair, I’m sick.
- Ah, I’m glad he’d do Tom Hardy too. What a keeper.
- Don’t treat me like I’m weak!
Women aren’t doormats. We are strong and should be able to speak our minds and do what we like without feeling made to feel ashamed. Be honest. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s unladylike to check your pits for BO on public transport, or whether it’s wrong to wear pyjamas to the shops on a Sunday morning. Tell them to go fuck themselves.
What else do you think/want but don’t say?