On Saturday as I got dressed I looked at myself in the mirror and caught a glimpse of what I thought were abs. I stood there in my underwear and thought, “Hell, I look great.” So to capture this moment, I popped on my gym wear and took a photo. Looking back at the photo, I thought, “Hmm, I look better in real life.” Regardless, I decided to post it anyway. I wanted to share a message about confidence and health.
The overall message to go with the photo of my not-so-defined-abs was to be happy and healthy. To work hard at feeling physically good. But after ten minutes, a couple of nice comments and one ‘fair enough’ (a pet peeve) I decided to delete it. I had felt anxious that I was putting myself out there and it wasn’t a comparison photo like I had done before.
The comparison photos felt like they had more purpose. This picture felt like I was vain, superficial and showing off a body that wasn’t worthy of such action, let alone more than ‘fair enough’.
After tweeting that I was inspired by the likes of Em and Lydia for their drive, determination and healthy yet balanced lifestyle, I decided to delete the photo. Em then congratulated me on posting it. I suddenly felt ashamed for removing the post.
How could I try and send a message of confidence, if I wasn’t confident in myself?
What. A. Hypocrite.
And that’s something I don’t like. Hypocrites and liars.
So, what did I do? I re-uploaded it.
I deleted this picture that I posted earlier. When I first posted it I explained how it’s important to feel good about yourself and be healthy over the desire to look good. And then it hit me, “I don’t look that good.” I felt like a big hypocrite. And I am. How I can I tell you to be comfortable if I’m not okay with it myself?
So, after having @emshelx in my corner, I decided SCREW IT. This is me. It won’t be me in a month but this is me now. I am a 25 year old, size 10/12 women with the rolls and lines that a lot of women my age have. And we are beautiful. I won’t be like this in a month because I’m still working out hard and will be improving my eating habits. But I’ll still be happy and I’ll still be me. Thank you to Em for being supportive to girls like me. It makes all the difference.
Upon re-posting the picture, I felt a sense of achievement. No, I wasn’t directly uploading a progress photo side by side to show how well I had done but it’s certainly progress in my confidence. I am showing a snippet of my fitness journey and will continue to do so in my quarterly fitness journal posts.
Suddenly, I felt liberated to overcome my fear of being judged. I should be happy to say, “This is what a twenty-five-year-old who works out three times a week and eats whatever she likes, looks like.” And then in a few weeks time, I will be able to post, “This is what that same twenty-five-year-old looks like when she stopped having so much pizza.” Because that’s the reality of it. It’s great to show what other bodies look like. Not just the amazingly toned bronzed beach babes. And heck, maybe one day I will look like them. But for now, this is me.
Because that’s the reality of it. It’s great to show what other bodies look like. Not just the amazingly toned bronzed beach babes. And heck, maybe one day I will look like them. But for now, this is me. I have lines, I have rolls and I have hips that won’t quit. But there are a lot of people who do. And they are beautiful.